Essential Insights for Parenting Pre-Teens

Have you heard the saying, “No one warns you that the toughest aspect of motherhood is watching your children grow up?” I genuinely believe this phrase encapsulates the parenting experience during the pre-teen phase. I’ve always been informed that these years are challenging, but wow, the transformation during the tween stage truly caught me off guard.

Witnessing your children mature and observing them evolve into their true selves is an incredibly unique experience, but brace yourself for an emotional whirlwind. The ages typically categorized as tween years range from 9 to 12. From my perspective, these years feel prolonged and demanding. The tween phase is a vast unknown. While many parents find commonalities in their experiences during these pre-teen years, it’s important to note that no one shares the same journey. Nonetheless, as a mother who has recently transitioned to raising a teenager, I uncovered several insights from raising tweens. Here’s what I wish I had known.

Prepare for an emotional rollercoaster

Children in their tween years often undergo hormonal shifts, taking their parents along for the tumultuous ride. As a mother, I had to learn to embrace the ups and downs while assisting my daughter in navigating the difficulties she might encounter.

To be honest, I see a lot of myself in my daughter. We share more similarities than any of us would care to acknowledge. When she’s encountering these transitions, I make an effort to pause and contemplate what I would have wished for my mom to do at that age. Adopting this perspective has proven to be tremendously helpful. It has enabled me to empathize with her experiences since I’ve faced similar situations myself. Certainly, maintaining patience and fostering open dialogue is invaluable during these formative years.

You can’t always rescue them

An early lesson I grasped during the tween years is the necessity of stepping back. Kids ardently crave independence, and I had to rely on the belief that I had equipped my daughter with the skills to tackle various challenges. Even though I sometimes wished to resolve her issues for her, allowing her to take the lead proved to be the best support I could offer.

Whether it was figuring out what to do if she forgot to submit an assignment or resolving conflicts with a classmate, supporting her by discussing these situations rather than directly solving them assisted her development in the long run.

Be cautious of excessive screen time

I discovered that as my daughter got older, we needed to be increasingly vigilant regarding the amount of time she spent on her gadgets. Ultimately, we imposed time limits on her iPad and smartphone usage. Naturally, she still had access to texting and calling for emergency situations. Given the plethora of recent findings on the dangers of early phone and social media exposure, I realized that as parents, it was essential for us to deliberately establish boundaries for our daughter.

Quality time is crucial

Life can become hectic, but one thing I wish I understood was the significance of striking the right balance. Aim to prioritize individual time during those tween years when your presence is cherished. Their interests shift rapidly during this stage. My daughter transitioned from being enamored with American Girl to Harry Potter to Twilight in a matter of just a few years. Staying attuned to their passions and enjoying unplugged, quality moments with them will become cherished memories.

Don’t overlook the importance of self-care

Self-care proved to be a significant challenge for us throughout the tween years. My daughter was constantly engaged in extracurricular activities, sometimes at the expense of her self-care. For her age, self-care meant partaking in activities she genuinely enjoyed, like journaling, coloring, and biking. Unfortunately, too many scheduled commitments meant that her other hobbies often got sidelined.

Moreover, we assembled small self-care kits containing a mini coloring book and markers, deodorant, body spray, feminine hygiene products, a fidget toy, and a stress ball. The stress ball and fidget toy became immensely helpful for her when feeling anxious, aiding her in achieving calmness and focus.

Self-care also encompassed basic hygiene. As she navigated the pre-teen years and puberty began to unfold, I assisted her in establishing a straightforward routine that was manageable for her.

Positive encouragement will boost their self-esteem

During the tween years, children work on shaping their identity and self-worth. Parents significantly influence this development, particularly before the added pressures of the teenage years and high school. Reminding them that setbacks serve as learning experiences and finding ways, no matter how minor, to celebrate their achievements will bolster their confidence and motivate them to persevere.