Essential Tips For Navigating Your First Night Apart From Your Newborn

As an individual who adores traveling, I thought I’d become one of those mothers who effortlessly leaves her child with the grandparents while heading off for a soothing getaway or an enjoyable evening out. However, a couple of years into motherhood, when my daughter became a toddler, the only instances I had been apart from her were the two nights I spent in the hospital delivering her little brother.

Departing from your infant, even for a brief period, can be challenging for a new mother—whether it’s a night away or leaving them with a caregiver for your initial date night outside the house. As a newborn, they are in constant need of your presence. It’s quite an adjustment, to say the least. When the moment arrives to separate for a little while, it can be somewhat tricky to manage. While I’d love to suggest that my attachment is solely due to her need for me, the plain truth is that I struggle to leave my baby behind. If you experience apprehension about leaving your little ones, whether with your partner or another caregiver, you are not alone. It is entirely natural to feel a degree of anxiety when deviating from routine and parting with your baby, particularly for the first time. There are strategies to emotionally and practically ease your mind as you gear up to leave that will make the experience smoother for everyone involved.

Whether you’re leaving your child with your partner, a family member, or another caregiver, for the sake of consistency, I will reference a partner here, but most of the following advice applies regardless of who is watching your little one. Here are 10 suggestions to assist you in preparing for your first time away from the baby:

1. Acknowledge and accept that another caregiver will have a different approach

We all nurture our children in distinct ways, and this applies to you and your partner as well. No matter how aligned you may be on your parenting values, they will undoubtedly carry out some tasks differently, and that’s perfectly acceptable because kids are adaptable. Perhaps their routines might differ from yours, meals may not be as nutritious, and there may be a bit more screen time than usual. Allow your partner the freedom to manage things as they see fit, bearing in mind that they cherish your child and are doing their utmost in what they believe is best.

2. Share your major concerns

A fellow new mom shared this valuable piece of advice. She had several worries regarding her child’s safety. Rather than offering a lengthy lecture on dos and don’ts (though, of course, you’ll want to provide some guidelines), she made it a point to communicate her fears. By discussing these feelings, she was able to release the emotions that burdened her and helped her partner grasp her perspective concerning her concerns, which could alleviate some of her anxiety.

3. Conduct a trial run

Departing from your infant for the first time can stir a wealth of emotions—for you, your partner, and your baby. Try a shorter trial separation beforehand. This will ideally help you feel more at ease regarding the upcoming longer absence. Additionally, it will bolster your partner’s confidence that they can manage it.

4. Discover how your partner/caregiver flourishes

Do they prefer a schedule meticulously written out? Or would they rather take a more relaxed approach? It’s essential that your partner feels assured in their capabilities, and you also want things to be organized before you head out the door. Talk about the method that will make both of you feel assured about the setup, and ensure to support your partner in every way possible.

5. Document your routine for a few days

If you are the one who spends the majority of time with your infant compared to your partner, there are likely activities you engage in throughout your day that feel instinctive to you. All of these minor details may constitute the bulk of your routine with the baby.

My husband is a very hands-on dad, but I assume the role of primary caregiver, so it’s only natural that I know more about our baby than he does. After all, I am present with her all day, every day. This doesn’t imply he cannot adequately care for her; it simply indicates that I have gathered extensive knowledge during our journey together, and I sometimes overlook sharing all the little specifics with him.

If your partner desires a wealth of information, carefully consider your daily activities. For a couple of days, jot down notes every few hours so that those smaller details don’t escape you. If this method doesn’t suit your partner’s style, you can always write it down and hand it to them with the understanding that the information is available if they wish to refer to it, but they are not required to follow every item strictly.

6. Schedule a moment for yourself to check-in

Once you’ve left the nest, you may find yourself wanting to frequently check in to see how your baby is faring. To establish boundaries and enhance your confidence in your partner, set a specific time for yourself to check on how things are going. This will allow you to make the most of your time away in a fulfilling way.

7. Clarify your priorities

Your partner or caregiver will likely approach tasks distinctly from your methods, and that’s absolutely fine. However, if there are crucial aspects of your baby’s routine that you strongly wish for them to adhere to, communicate these clearly. Do not stress about nightly baths or having a spotless home. Concentrate instead on essentials like ensuring naps occur at appropriate times, adhering to a feeding schedule, or any other components vital to your child’s health, happiness, and behavior. For instance, if skipping a certain nap leads to a cranky baby, make sure they are aware of this.

8. Provide a list of essential contacts

It can be challenging to foresee when unforeseen events arise that neither you nor your partner anticipated—like an illness or an unexpected emergency. How would your partner manage if they needed to rush one child to the emergency room? Is there someone else you could entrust your other children to? I’m not suggesting this will occur every time, but it’s wise to be prepared. Collaboratively compile a list of contacts, including names, phone numbers, and addresses, that you both feel comfortable reaching out to—perhaps a trusted family member or a neighbor. Furthermore, having contact information for your pediatrician or other specialists on hand is beneficial, especially if you have a child with a chronic health condition.

9. Prepare yourself for success

Leaving your baby for the first time marks a significant parenting milestone. Keep a record of your time apart. You can do this through journaling or taking photographs. Whenever you miss your baby, I found it helpful to pull up pictures on my phone. Additionally, reflect on what brings you happiness…and haven’t had a lot of moments to accomplish things. Are you fond of reading? Refresh your Kindle library or bring along a physical edition of that novel you’ve been eager to dive into. Tune into podcasts or catch up on the newest Netflix series that’s been creating a buzz. These can serve as excellent diversions when you find yourself longing for your family back home.

While you’ve ensured your partner is set up for success, ensure you are prepared as well. If you are currently breastfeeding, remember to pack your pump components and all necessary supplies. Having a backup, such as a haakaa or manual breast pump, can also be advantageous in case your primary pump malfunctions. Decide how you will transport your breastmilk back home and research the latest TSA regulations as well. Traveling internationally with breastmilk can vary significantly by country.

10. Keep in mind that this will be beneficial for all

It’s possible that you may shed some tears on your first evening away from your infant. And perhaps you’ll be lying awake contemplating what your family is doing back home. This is entirely natural. Despite a torrent of feelings, remind yourself that this is a positive experience for everyone involved. Your partner enjoys quality moments with the baby, the baby is learning to trust someone other than you, and hopefully, you’re engaging in something rewarding for yourself as well.

As mothers, particularly new mothers, we seldom take time for our own needs. It can be challenging to leave your baby at home, but try to embrace the time off. Enjoy the girls’ getaway, the romantic evening with your partner, or the essential alone time you deserve. Even if it’s for a business trip, relish any chance for extra rest, acknowledge how much you cherish and miss your baby, and ideally, you’ll return home rejuvenated and ready to embrace motherhood with renewed enthusiasm.