Tips To Manage Your Unfavorable Relationship With Your Sister-in-Law

During a 10-day vacation with my in-laws, which included my brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and their three children, the extended period spent together unveiled a truth – I do not particularly align well with my sister-in-law. Our differing parenting styles, contrasting perspectives on various matters, and disparity in etiquette and manners became apparent.

As someone who has always aimed to please others, coming to terms with my disliking towards someone so closely tied to my family circle was a challenge. Here’s how I resolved this predicament and some strategies for handling an unsatisfactory relationship within your extended family.

Reduce Time Spent Together

This approach is simple for me, given the distance between us and the infrequency of our visits. Restricting the time spent together has proven to be an effective method in navigating a complex familial bond. The recent vacation catered well to this strategy, providing an opportunity for the cousins to bond, pleasing my mother-in-law, and granting us a reprieve for the next six months.

Managing time spent together is somewhat easier as she is not directly related to my husband, being his brother’s spouse. This additional layer of separation alleviates any pressure, and my husband does not mind my lack of enthusiasm towards seeking out opportunities to engage with her.

Refrain from Participation

Challenges in in-law relationships are not uncommon. I have a friend who faces a strained dynamic with her mother-in-law, opting out of the weekly Sunday dinners despite residing only 15 minutes away. However, she still sends her children and husband.

Opting out can be advantageous for all parties involved. By abstaining from gatherings where tension lingers, other family members can bond without guilt, while you gain valuable personal time.

Steer Clear of Conflicts

There is a saying, “You don’t have to attend every fight you’re invited to,” which I abide by diligently. If I encounter offensive content on social media, I scroll past it. Should my husband make a curt remark, I choose to disregard it. In situations where my sister-in-law instigates a conversation on contentious topics to provoke a response, I opt not to engage.

While this tactic may not always be foolproof, avoiding trivial disputes has generally proven beneficial in my experience. Of course, there are instances where standing up for oneself and family is necessary. However, evading insignificant disagreements is often the prudent choice. In cases where proximity allows for frequent encounters with a toxic sister-in-law, avoidance may not be a viable option.

Introduce a Mediator

Reflecting on the lessons learned from our recent trip, I’ve resolved not to engage in future gatherings with my sister-in-law without the presence of a mediator, specifically our other in-laws. I’ve observed that their company tends to foster a conducive environment where everyone is on their best behavior, and added assistance with childcare and entertainment alleviates any strain.

Exercise Compassion

This aspect proved to be the most challenging. Although harboring reservations towards my sister-in-law and preferring to avoid spending time with her, I endeavor to show compassion. Perhaps she is going through a tough period or facing marital challenges or issues with their children. The specifics elude me, so I attempt to extend the benefit of the doubt…even though I may heed my own advice and opt out of the next family excursion with my in-laws.