Understanding The Unspoken Struggles Of New Moms

The journey into motherhood is a profound transition filled with moments of joy, doubt, and everything in between. Statistically speaking, it’s a challenging time for many—one in eight mothers experiences postpartum depression within the first year after childbirth, according to the CDC. Additionally, nearly a third of women encounter pelvic floor disorders post-delivery, while around sixty percent struggle with diastasis recti. These struggles shed light on the undeniable reality that new motherhood isn’t just about the moments of blissful cooing and cuddles.

However, every mother, regardless of her journey, deals with a universal experience—**matrescence**. This term, coined by medical anthropologist Dana Raphael in 1973, encapsulates the extensive physical, hormonal, and emotional shifts that accompany the transition to motherhood. It’s important to understand that matrescence doesn’t only occur after the baby is born; it can start as soon as a woman begins trying to conceive and continues through pregnancy, postpartum periods, and even during subsequent pregnancies.

Dr. Alexandra Sacks, a reproductive psychiatrist, emphasizes the significance of recognizing matrescence. “It’s a time when a woman’s body is changing and her social identity is evolving,” she explains. This transformative experience mirrors the changes that occur during adolescence, marked by confusion and hopeful growth. Yet, society often paints motherhood in black and white—either as a picture-perfect journey or as a burden-laden struggle. This narrow view oversimplifies a deeply intricate phase of life.

For instance, reflecting on my own transition into motherhood, I found myself oscillating between feelings of profound love and a perplexing sense of loss for who I used to be. The moment I held my son for the first time was breathtaking, yet the overwhelming responsibility hit me hard. Parenting books and blogs promised joy and fulfillment, but I often felt a shocking ambivalence that wasn’t thoroughly addressed. I wondered if I would ever reclaim my old self or if this was my new reality forever.

Dr. Sacks has witnessed similar sentiments in many of her patients, who often come to her seeking answers. Many women initially fear they might be experiencing postpartum depression due to the surfacing intensity of emotions often tied to sleepless nights and the demands of a helpless newborn. Yet, what they frequently face isn’t depression, but the effects of matrescence—an ongoing emotional adjustment to motherhood.

Understanding the distinction between matrescence and postpartum depression is crucial. “Matrescence can be confused with postpartum depression simply because of a lack of awareness,” Dr. Sacks notes. While postpartum depression interferes with daily functioning—leading to issues such as prolonged sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, and feelings of hopelessness—matrescence is a universal experience for all mothers that shouldn’t be stigmatized.

If any mother suspects she may be dealing with postpartum depression, it’s vital to consult with a healthcare provider. Nonetheless, recognizing matrescence can be incredibly reassuring. Dr. Sacks believes that by normalizing these feelings, we can alleviate the social isolation many women feel during new motherhood.

“This period of transition for mothers is often overlooked,” she remarks. “There’s a lot of focus on pregnancy and caring for a newborn, but the ongoing evolution of a mother’s identity is rarely discussed.”

In her book, *What No One Tells You: A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood*, Dr. Sacks dives deeper into the emotional hurdles that come with becoming a mother. She aims to shed light on the realities of matrescence so that mothers everywhere can find comfort in knowing they are not alone, and that their feelings—however tangled—are a natural part of this remarkable journey.

So as you navigate the challenges and treasures of motherhood, remember: experiencing matrescence is not just normal, it’s a testament to the incredible journey of becoming a mom. You’re not just adjusting; you’re transforming, embracing a new identity, redefined by love and resilience.Navigating the journey of motherhood is anything but straightforward. As Erin Strybis highlights, many new moms find themselves in a whirlwind of emotions during the matrescence transition—a pivotal period that can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. It’s essential to understand that while this time can be full of joy and wonder, it can also bring about feelings of stress, uncertainty, and even ambivalence.

One of the most crucial aspects of managing this transition is the emphasis on self-care. Erin suggests that mothers carve out time for themselves, which might feel nearly impossible amidst the demanding schedule of a newborn. “Take a moment to jot down everything you did before becoming a mom,” she advises. Doing this exercise can help you remember aspects of your identity that transcend motherhood, whether it’s catching up on your favorite book, enjoying a quiet cup of coffee, or simply having a moment to breathe. It’s in reclaiming these small rituals that new mothers can nourish their spirits and reconnect with who they are outside of their roles as caretakers.

However, self-care doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. It’s often the little things that can make all the difference—a luxurious shower, a brisk walk, or even a dinner date with your partner. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to lean on the support of loved ones. Whether it’s a friend offering to babysit while you enjoy a quiet moment or a family member helping with chores, acknowledging the need for help is not a sign of weakness but rather an embrace of the community that surrounds you.

Another pivotal recommendation from Erin is connecting with other mothers. Thanks to her initiative, #motherhoodunfiltered, mothers have a platform to share their experiences, fostering a sense of community that’s crucial during this transformative time. In a world where the narrative surrounding new motherhood often emphasizes bliss and perfection, Erin encourages embracing the full spectrum of emotions that come with it. The honest discussions about the ups and downs of being a mom can bridge the gap between isolation and understanding, reminding you that you’re not alone in this journey.

As Erin articulates, “Culturally, there’s an expectation that bliss should dominate the emotional landscape for new moms.” But we must acknowledge that, alongside those moments of joy, there are times of doubt, exhaustion, and stress. By openly discussing matrescence, we can collectively chip away at the societal pressures that make mothers feel isolated and overwhelmed. The more we share our real stories, the more support we can cultivate for one another, painting a genuine picture of motherhood that includes its challenges and triumphs.

In the end, it’s about finding grace in the chaos. Balancing self-care with motherhood isn’t just a nice idea; it’s essential. It’s the small steps towards nurturing your well-being that enable you to show up as the mom you aspire to be. So if you’re reading this and feeling a bit lost or overwhelmed, remember you’re not alone. Reach out, connect, and gather your community—because together, you can navigate the beautiful, messy journey of motherhood.