Expert Tips On Explaining Childbirth In Simple Terms

Each night, my toddler’s bedtime routine includes us reading several stories together—both mom and dad take turns—reflecting on our day, followed by what I’ve come to call my son’s ‘reflective hour.’ This last segment of his bedtime schedule is interestingly named, as he tends to ask remarkably thoughtful and engaging questions during that time.

One evening, while I was in my third trimester with my second child, my toddler unexpectedly posed a question that caught me off guard: “Mommy, where does the baby come out of?”

The room was completely dark, yet I could sense the startled expressions on my husband’s face as our eyes widened in shared panic. Neither of us knew what to say, so we hurriedly transitioned him to sleep. Once we gathered outside his room, my husband and I discussed how best to handle such inquiries in the future. However, we still felt uncertain about our approach.

To gain insight, I consulted Kelly Cox, a Certified Child Life Specialist and the founder of Steady in Hope, for advice on discussing birth with toddlers. I also spoke with Karlie Cheatham, a pediatric nurse and doula, to learn how to prepare our child for when labor begins. With their guidance, I hope you feel better equipped to navigate these conversations with your inquisitive little one than we were.

Understand Your Toddler’s Developmental Stage

I often need to remind myself that the language I use when talking with my toddler differs greatly from that I would use with an adult. Understanding where my child is in their developmental journey is crucial for having effective conversations.

While many theories address developmental phases, Cox emphasizes, “It’s important to remember toddlers have a limited capacity for understanding simple concepts, and being concrete is key.”

How to Discuss Birth with Your Toddler

While I considered whether it was suitable to provide an in-depth explanation about the birthing process to my toddler, I chose not to elaborate too much. According to Cox, it’s wise to introduce the idea of a new sibling as soon as physical signs of pregnancy are evident. Regarding the specifics of birth, she suggests to “hold off on those discussions unless the child asks.”

For my 3-year-old, who repeatedly queried how a baby arrives, Cox advises that it’s appropriate to be straightforward and say, “The baby comes out through my vagina.” Fortunately, I had already explained body boundaries to my son, so he recognized the accurate names for body parts. Cox adds, “Typically, if you offer an answer to their question, that is often enough for them.”

Once I had these discussions with my toddler, I made sure to communicate how we phrased things to the grandparents to maintain consistency. I wanted to avoid creating any confusion. Cox remarks, “Consistency in language can be extremely beneficial as it prevents kids from receiving conflicting answers to the same questions, which can lead to further confusion.”

Prepare Your Toddler Before and After Childbirth

When discussing childbirth with your toddler, it isn’t necessary to provide a detailed breakdown of vaginal or cesarean deliveries. However, setting the stage for what to expect in the postpartum period is essential.

If you’ll have any limitations—such as not being able to lift your toddler after delivery—explain to them that you won’t be able to do certain things temporarily but will be back to normal soon. Cox suggests you could frame it like this: “I had a boo-boo on my belly and that boo-boo needs time to heal.”

While it’s simple to focus on limitations post-childbirth, it’s equally important to highlight activities you can still do together. Things like sitting down to read a story or ‘helping’ with the baby (with your support, of course) can help bridge that gap.

Talking to my son about his new role as a big brother was a highlight for me. Books such as You’re the Biggest and How to Be a Big Brother or How to Be a Big Sister are excellent ways to introduce the subject. In addition to welcoming our new arrival, we also celebrated his transition to being an older brother, giving him a few gifts ‘from the baby’ when they first met.

What to Do with Your Toddler When You Go Into Labor

Additionally, it’s crucial to think about what to do with your toddler when labor begins. If you go into labor and have trusted family or friends available, it’s wise to make arrangements for them to look after your toddler during that time. Besides packing your own hospital bag, ensure you prepare a separate overnight bag for them as well. Furthermore, Cheatham suggests…Cox and Cheatham provided several strategies for preparing your toddler if you are planning a home birth.

According to Cheatham’s insights as a doula, parents “know their kids best” in determining whether their child should be present during the home delivery. While some parents opt to have their children nearby during labor, it can be beneficial to have a contingency plan involving family or friends who can watch them if necessary. Cheatham recommends that if a child appears frightened, “have someone take them out of the space.” However, many mothers tend to have relatives, a babysitter, or friends look after their children during this time. This allows them to “fully focus in and not worry about caring for another person.”

Engaging Your Toddler During a Home Birth

Leveraging her expertise, Cox outlined several ways to involve your toddler during a home birth, emphasizing the importance of allowing them some autonomy in their decisions.

• Inform your child about the impending arrival one to two days before the birth if feasible. Offer them a choice about whether they want to be present and reassure them it’s perfectly fine to change their mind at any moment.
• Explain what your child might see, hear, touch, smell, and taste (the latter ideally should be nothing). Make sure to cover all the senses to prepare them adequately. Discuss the noises from alarms, monitors, and any deep breathing you might be doing. Prepare them for the possibility of seeing blood, you in pain, and what the baby will look like immediately after birth.
• Designate an adult whom your child feels comfortable with. This individual can step in and out of the room as needed, giving your child the power to decide their presence based on their comfort level.
• Think about allowing your child to be present only for the moment of birth. It’s unrealistic to expect them to stay for the entire labor at this young age.
• It’s essential for you and your partner to discuss your plans ahead of time, including how you might adapt if things change. Childbirth can often be unpredictable.
• Reassure your child that coming in after the birth is also a perfectly acceptable choice.

Introducing a new family member can be a significant shift for everyone involved. How you communicate about childbirth will depend largely on your child’s developmental stage. For toddlers, simplicity is key. Despite my initial anxiety, I feel more prepared now. If you have a curious toddler like mine, I hope you find this information helpful as well.