Navigating Parenting Challenges In Keeping Indian Culture Alive

I could feel a familiar knot in my stomach as my phone buzzed, alerting me to a message from my mum. “What are you going to feed your children if you don’t learn to cook?” I paused, letting out a quiet sigh. Sure, I could whip up a few dishes from recipes I’d bookmarked or paused on while scrolling through magazines and cookbooks. But underneath all that, I sensed her judgment—her voice echoing in my mind, stern yet caring.

At its core, my mum wasn’t being harsh; she was conveying something deeply important: the value of feeding my children home-cooked meals and imparting our Indian heritage through those meals. In her own way, she wanted me to ensure that the culture and traditions that shaped my childhood didn’t fade away.

Growing up in a traditional Indian household, the rhythms of our lives were steeped in culture. We spoke Gujarati, shared delicious Indian meals almost every night, celebrated Diwali and other significant festivals, and offered prayers before dinner and bedtime. Alongside this, we savored the occasional Sunday fry-up, indulged in a roast chicken, and enjoyed holiday traditions like Christmas and Easter. It was a beautiful blend of two worlds, but it also came with its own set of challenges.

The Mental Load

We’re all familiar with the term “mental load,” often used to describe the invisible labor that mothers carry, but for me, it’s a deeper burden. As a second-generation immigrant, I constantly juggle maintaining my Indian roots while navigating the Western upbringing of my children. And yes, it’s tiring—like a never-ending tug-of-war between cultures.

Before I became a mum, Indian cooking was a mystery to me. The pressure cooker looked more like a sci-fi gadget than a kitchen staple, and I felt completely out of my element in an Indian grocery store. But once my kids were born, it became clear: I needed to embrace my heritage and pass it on to them.

Yet, when it comes to feeding my kids, the struggle is real. Getting them to eat their greens is already a challenge, but now I’m supposed to introduce lentil dal and spices when all they crave is pizza and fries? It feels like playing a never-ending game of culinary tug-of-war.

Living Between Two Cultures

Being a minority woman in a Western society complicates things further. We grow up with expectations: be a good daughter, excel in school, marry well, raise respectful children, and carry forward cultural traditions—all while trying to maintain our own identity. It’s a balancing act that feels overwhelming at times.

And let’s be honest, I often feel like I’m navigating this path alone. My mum doesn’t live nearby; I lean on my mother-in-law for support, which is comforting. My husband is there, but his involvement doesn’t always match my enthusiasm for teaching our kids about their heritage. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a “guy thing,” as my son shows little interest in our culture right now. I worry that if I don’t take the lead, who will? What will my children pass down if I don’t guide them? The weight of these questions adds to my mental load.

Taking Small Steps

To avoid spiraling into overwhelm—which I tend to do—I’ve started making small, manageable changes. I’ve joined local cultural groups on Facebook, keeping up with events that celebrate our heritage. I’m committed to celebrating festivals like Diwali, even if my kids might roll their eyes about going to Gujarati language classes. Progress, not perfection, right? I’ve accepted that maybe they won’t become bilingual, but I can certainly try to speak more Gujarati at home. Ultimately, I can only do my best, and learning to accept that is part of the journey.

On a more positive note, I’ve grown into a confident cook. I’ve learned the ropes of crafting a fantastic homemade chicken curry, thanks to countless conversations with my mum. After many attempts, I can almost get the roti just right! I take pride in knowing that my kids savor homemade Indian dishes almost every day. And when they do get pizza or chips, it feels like a real treat.

If any of this resonates with you and you’re grappling with similar feelings, remember that this journey is just that—a journey. Each curry made, every story shared, and all the festivals celebrated are steps toward helping your children appreciate their cultural roots. And always remember: it’s not just about reaching the destination, but cherishing the path you walk together.

Image Source: Unsplash