TikTok Reveals The Ultimate Guide To Supporting New Parents

I recently welcomed my second child into the world, and even amidst the postpartum chaos, the mental strain remains constant. During those late-night feedings, I find myself contemplating what supplies I need to prepare for my son’s school in the morning or mentally reminding myself—“don’t forget to include milk on the shopping list.” Life moves on around you, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed about how to keep pace or adapt to the constantly evolving journey of motherhood.

If you relate to my experience, you may find it challenging to seek assistance. Especially regarding home responsibilities. Therefore, the postpartum messages like, “Let me know if you need anything” or “How can I assist you?” tend to fall short. Thanks, but I won’t be asking for anything. My mental bandwidth can barely manage “I’ll just handle it myself.” In truth, I genuinely need ALL the support. Taking the time to sort through my needs and delegate responsibilities feels like an added workload rather than relief. So, what steps can you take to support a friend who has recently become a mother? A popular TikTok by Cameron Oaks Rogers provides excellent guidance on how to assist your postpartum friend.

Food is essential

Parents in the postpartum phase often become so immersed in caring for their newborn that they neglect their own needs. Thus, delivering—or sending—some wholesome snacks or meals is always a welcome gesture, as noted by Rogers in her video.

Send a thoughtful text with options

This specific text example is the key reason her viral video has gained popularity with over 40k likes and 16k saves. I even saved it myself. Her suggestions are endorsed by me—someone who is currently navigating postpartum because my friends and family provided similar support.

In her viral TikTok, Rogers emphasizes that supporting a friend with a newborn begins with a straightforward text. She recommends that the message be specific, offering assistance that someone might hesitate to request. TikTok user @lexisrb33 remarked, “Yes yes yes! It’s so awkward to ask!” This includes offers such as preparing them dinner, tidying their home, or caring for the baby to allow them some rest. Believe me, sleep is invaluable. Rogers suggests the following text to send to your friend:

Good morning, love! I’m available from 12 to 3 tomorrow, so please let me know how you would like to utilize my time. Here are some suggestions:

1. I can come over while you spend time with the baby and I handle laundry, prepare bottles, cook, or do grocery shopping and put things away.
2. I can watch the baby while you take a well-deserved nap in your room or enjoy some alone time, or go out for lunch, just the two of you and the baby.
3. I can take you out to lunch with or without the baby.
4. We can just relax on the couch, chat, or watch a light-hearted movie together with the baby.

Rogers notes, “Allowing them to have the choice is crucial.” Getting someone to accept help can be an accomplishment in itself. Personally, I found it challenging to accept assistance when offered because I felt an obligation to reciprocate. It wasn’t until I came across a video from @nurturewomenstherapy by Amy Swart, a specialist in pregnancy and postpartum care, who stated, “There will be numerous occasions in your life when you will be in a position of giving and helping others… right now, you are in the season of RECEIVING…” TikTok user @delancey.diy shared, “Why am I crying wishing someone had done this for me after my first when I was so overwhelmed with (undiagnosed) PPD?”

What if there’s a toddler involved?

Rogers provides additional solutions for friends with other children or a toddler. Her example message includes the following:

1. I can take the toddler out for something fun, or stay with them while you and the baby enjoy some time alone.
2. I can care for the baby while you have some one-on-one time with the toddler.

Having trustworthy friends and family can be incredibly helpful in these situations. My friends and relatives have taken my 3-year-old for a few hours to play with their friends and cousins, which has been a fantastic option.

What if you’re not in the same area?

After Rogers’ initial video gained traction, many people sought advice on how to assist if they were far away. Rogers suggests that it’s still beneficial to reach out, but plan your message wisely. She recommends sending a text a week before the baby’s due date, inquiring about their favorite restaurant and preferred orders. Armed with this information—once the baby arrives—you can quickly check if you can send them dinner via DoorDash, Uber Eats, or another delivery service.

Other ways to assist from a distance include:

• Arranging a cleaning service
• Hiring a lawn care service
• Sending diapers
• Delivering hydration packets
• Providing protein bars
• Gifting a Kindle book through email (this is my favorite for those late-night nursing sessions)

@existentialreadhead commented, “We had a friend surprise us with a snack subscription, and it was incredible! Receiving unexpected snacks at my door made me emotional.”

Don’t overlook the mom

Rogers also highlights that it’s easy to shift the focus solely to the baby instead of acknowledging the mother. I understand—who can resist the urge to hold and gaze at an adorable baby all day long? Nevertheless, even a simple text asking, “How are you doing today?” can mean a great deal. I appreciate how Rogers articulates, “I would never have thought to send such a message or offer that kind of help before I became a parent, as it’s truly an experience you can’t fully grasp until you go through it. It’s a shared journey. We all find ourselves on an apology tour after our first child.” This holds true. I had no idea how to be supportive of my friends who were expecting before I was a mom. As Rogers mentions, “I could never have imagined what they were experiencing.” So, thank you, Cameron Oaks Rogers, for providing the insight we all needed.